Before you have an important conversation with somebody else, you have usually already had quite a few conversations in your own head. You may be thinking:
“They will never agree.”
“They do not understand me.”
“There is no point raising that again.”
“I already know what they are going to say.”
And that is perfectly understandable.
The difficulty is that the story we tell ourselves can sometimes shape the conversation before it has even begun. If I go into a meeting convinced that the other person will not listen, I am probably already preparing to defend myself and if both people arrive feeling like that, it is very easy for the conversation to become stuck.
One of the things I do within Mindful Mediation is encourage you to think about the conversation before you have it.
What am I really trying to achieve here?
What matters most to me?
What am I worried about?
What information do I still need?
And perhaps most importantly, what might I be assuming?
This is not about persuading you to change your position. It is about helping you understand your own position more clearly because when you are clearer about what matters to you, it becomes easier to explain it.
And often, it becomes a little easier to listen to the other person too. That can make a very significant difference to the quality of the conversation.
